Over Egged

It was one of those chance encounters on the train. Bobbing along we were, mind on auto, what's for dinner tonight, ho hum, when bob BONK went the train as we hit a stone mislaid by a more than usually careless vandal: and there it was. Easter Eggs: Chocolate Gorge-Fest in large point print laid bare by the sudden movement of the carriage, Easter Egg Calorie Count for Children to reach 12,000. Crikey. It makes you think. And then a desperate attempt to stop thinking as the prospect of all those greasy calories gobbled and stuffed over a few days turns curiosity to motion sickness, to nausea.

It's too much. It must be, even the trade mag which reported it sounds worried. Quoted in the Daily Mail, Angus Kennedy, the editor of Kennedy's Confection Magazine, said: "It's worrying that children are being given so much high-calorie food. For many families, Easter has become nothing more than a chocolate-eating fest." Just to put that fest into perspective, 12,000 calories would buy you a whopping 14 plates of steak and chips at Wetherspoon's, (according to that excellent resource, fitnessvenues.com), or an extravagant 24 bacon double cheeseburgers at Burger King. It would fuel american olympic swimmer Michael Phelps for just one day, but then his day starts with an amazing three fried egg sandwiches, followed by a five egg omelette. These calories also helped him gain a staggering 14 olympic gold medals but don't try this at home.

Apparently, the average spend is around £24 per child. Now we all know how these figures get distorted, and there's a difference between average and mean, yawn yawn, and that they're very probably inflated by Mr Russian-Mafia-Don buying Mrs Russian-Mafia-Don an egg made from single growth 100% cocoa beans harvested on the international space station, wrapped in paper made from slivers of the true cross and containing the still beating heart of a dinosaur, but TWENTY FOUR QUID? I've just cooked four and a half pounds of 21-day aged grass-fed Aberdeen Angus topside (from the ever improving M&S), enough for a greedy gathering of eight, and that came to just £17, with plenty left over for roast potatoes, veg, gravy and lots of pudding.

And what if you have three children? That's more than a week's council house rent in Bolton, so hard luck if you live in Greater Manchester and have a tendency to be polyphiloprogenitive, that's all I can say.

Is there a way out? It depends on how much we follow our peers, I guess, and a little on what paper you read, but a couple of chocolate bunnies and a turn or two round a chinese buffet comes in well under budget, as would a few creme eggs (delicious horridness!) and a trip to the cinema. Or 48 copies of the Daily Mail which would keep your imagination exercised well into June, and not a calorie among them.

This topical seasonal muse courtesy of Nick Butters, our resident commentator on the world of all things foodie.

• Bio

"I am a food lover which is a polite way of saying, a food obsessive. I recently returned to my beloved north-east after 25 years working away in London, at sea and in France. I've been cooking for the last 35 years or so and it has been my entertainment, my passion and my solace. Everywhere I go I hear the message that British food has never been more varied, more exciting or more delicious. So, if you are in food and think I can help you get your message across please take a look at the services page of my blog, http://www.creamandbacon.com/ , or write to me directly at nicholas.butters@yahoo.com "